BERLIN, MD — Purnell B. Jarvis, Jr., Berlin mayoral candidate and the last man in town who still pays cash for gas, revealed today that his campaign announcement was yanked clean off the "We ❤️ Berlin" Facebook Group by one Zony Peeg, a man Purnell describes as "about as local as the sushi place that used to be an IGA."

Peeg, who administers the group with all the restraint of a HOA president with a new clipboard, removed Purnell's announcement without so much as a "howdy-do." Purnell was not surprised.

"Now, I know why he did it. Zony's in thick with the come-here crowd. The kind of people who move here from wherever, buy a fixer-upper, name it something cute, and suddenly they're telling lifelong locals how to live. Bless his heart."

And Purnell had some observations about Peeg's online presence as well.

"Zony's running around with a brown avatar, and far as I can tell, the man ain't brown. That kind of makes you scratch your head. I like a nice fried black drum, but I've never blackfished and I never will. But I guess that's typical for these folks. They show up, and next thing you know they're erasing a local man's truly heartfelt campaign like he never mattered. Zony ain't gonna erase me with an itchy finger and the delete button."

The "We ❤️ Berlin" Facebook Group, once a place to find out if the ice plant was flooded or whose chickens were loose, has reportedly dwindled to little more than a bulletin board for complaints about teenaged pranks and extremely boring yet breathless and marginally accurate summaries about Town Council meeting agendas.

Purnell remains undeterred. To better get the word out — since apparently Zony's finger is hovering over the ban button — Purnell will be hosting a meet-and-greet at Bill Williams Tavern downtown this Friday at 7:00 PM. Natty Boh and Jim Beam will be served. No cover, no dress code, and absolutely no one will ask you how you "discovered" Berlin.

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