BERLIN, MD — This morning, August 10th, and despite repeated denials that they are stealing political signs, Town of Berlin employees were caught red-handed pilfering one of Purnell B. Jarvis' "Make Berlin Uncool Again" signs. The sign that was stolen was not even inside the Town limits. Town employees drove out of town to swipe it.

The Town employees were photographed in a brand new dump truck, license plate number 31907 LG, and bearing the insignia of the Town Public Works Department. The fancy and very expensive truck had trespassed onto the property where the sign was located. The landowner happened to drive by at the same moment as the truck was on his land, and noticed that his sign at that precise location had been taken. He stopped his vehicle, blocking the Town truck from its criminal getaway, and photographed it parked on his land beside the missing sign before allowing the truck to depart.

The incident will be especially embarrassing for the Town of Berlin because several of its officials have now been caught in untruthful / inaccurate statements. Representatives of the Purnell B. Jarvis, Jr. Campaign have been in touch with Town officials for weeks, alleging that the Town is illegally stealing Jarvis' signs, allegations the Town has denied but which turn out to be true.

Although about ten of Purnell's signs have disappeared, and Berlin natives have testified that Town trucks have been seen in compromising positions, Town officials have flatly denied that they have taken signs.

On 8 July, Chanita Lewis-Watson, of Berlin Code Enforcement, wrote "I haven't removed any signs. I asked you to remove them... The town hasn't taken them." At the time, Purnell's signs were repeatedly disappearing on Main St and Town natives were telling Purnell that they saw Town trucks at the sites of these crimes. Thus, Jarvis Campaign officials didn't believe Ms. Lewis-Watson's claims. But on 16 July, Ryan Hardesty, the Town's faintly qualified Acting Director of Planning doubled down, writing "the Town has not removed any of your signs."

"Sure, a couple of signs have died a natural death, like the one the county mower ran over, but between the false denials and repeated thefts, this is pretty much official repression we're dealing with. We've suspected from the beginning that the Town was behind the numerous thefts, and now we have both testimonials and photographic evidence to prove it."

And as recently as one week ago, on August 3rd, the Town's Director of Public Works tripled down, writing "Public works has not removed any of your sign[s]. I will talk with team members again and confirm that we do not pick these sign[s] up."

"You know Purnell, when this kind of thing happens in Central America, when public officials use their office to commit theft and harass opposition, we call it a 'Banana Republic'. Maybe we should start calling Zack Mr. Chiquita."

Those denials aren't worth e-mails they are written in, and the Campaign can now prove sign theft by the Town of Berlin and it is quite confident that the Town has been responsible for the majority of sign losses. The Campaign is seeking reimbursement for the stolen property and a public apology by the Mayor, who is also asked to personally and publicly guarantee that Town employees will cease stealing from and lying to residents.

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