BERLIN, MD — Purnell B. Jarvis, Jr., candidate for Mayor of Berlin, announced today that he has rented the electronic message board on the Your Store sign — the one every soul in town has driven past a thousand times, squinting at the words RENT THIS SIGN FOR $300 PER MONTH and wondering who would take up the offer.

Well, Purnell accepted the invitation.

"Three hundred bucks a month for the busiest corner in Berlin? Shoot, I'd have paid that just to keep some dimwit from putting a Hallmark Christmas movie countdown on it. Now every commuter, every school bus, every Food Lion shopper, and every fella running to the store is gonna see my message. This is what they call earned media, except I earned it by writing a check."

Campaign strategists — meaning Purnell and Frederick Bishop on the porch — are confident that the massive exposure at such a busy intersection will take the campaign to the next level. What that next level is has not been specified, but it is understood to be higher than the current level.

Purnell conceded that three hundred dollars a month is "kinda steep for a fella who mostly gets paid in crabs and favors," and allowed as how he would not be above accepting donations to defray the cost.

"But I'm particular about it. I don't want money from anybody who moved here after 2005, anybody who owns a paddleboard, or any guys who have ever worn eye shadow except for at the high school play. If you know what a jimmy is, have repaired the lights on a trailer, or have eaten a Bob's Battleship — your money spends here. Everybody else, keep it. Go get a Tibetan massage instead ... preferably in Tibet.""

The sign is expected to go live as soon as Purnell figures out how to work the remote.

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