Berlin, Maryland — "Purnell, there's some shifty stuff coming out of Town Hall about these Homeowners Associations (HOAs), and the losers are you and me," opened Frederick Bishop.

"Well," replied Purnell Jarvis, candidate for Mayor of Berlin, "my campaign is about plain talk, so let's try to polish this turdnugget up real nice for all the Town's taxpayers to see."

"It goes like this" Frederick quickly replied. "Since the 1990s a number of multi-unit HOA developments have been built in town. You might think HOAs are clubs for nitpickers who want to harass you about the grass when your lawn mower is on the fritz. But that is actually just a small part of what many HOAs are supposed to do."

"They can also be responsible for maintaining the sidewalks, drainage, roads, and other infrastructure — you would call it 'stuff,' Purnell — in those places," added Frederick, "and that means HOA homeowners have to pay to keep those things working."

"I see where this is headed," interrupted Purnell. "I'll bet some of the HOAs and the people that live in them aren't very happy paying?"

"Correct," replied Frederick. "Some homeowners claim they didn't know their HOA had to pay for those things, or they just don't want to pay, which puts the well-meaning homeowners in a bind. Or maybe the HOA has basically fallen apart, so there's nobody to get the job done."

Frederick continued, "Now, if the developer was a good one and left behind well-built, up-to-speed infrastructure, then the HOA might not have too much of a push-up to do its job, and the assessments on homeowners might not be so steep or frequent, or the Town might accept the infrastructure without any issues."

"Let me guess what comes next!" interjected Purnell. "The Town has let the big developers get away with murder for decades, so some of the HOAs are a mess— bad roads, insufficient drainage. My cousin Stacey has waist-high water after every big thunderstorm, but the only thing that comes from the Planning Department is a threat letter saying the gutter is crooked and it better be fixed or else!"

"Purnell, sometimes you aren't as dumb as you look, and that's why I agreed to be your campaign manager," Frederick continued. "You're right, the Town government just won't admit how badly it has screwed up HOAs, especially when it comes to drainage, for a very long time. It's embarrassing to wave your dirty underwear around like that, so they try to speak softly about the problems. To man up and admit out loud that, yeah, that whole area floods because the Town blew the planning is hard, especially if fixing it is going to cost everyone."

"Plus," Frederick added, "despite all the skid marks, the Town still does not have a professional Planning Department. When they try to recruit qualified people, they come for an interview, get a load of the job, the Mayor, and the Town management, and they walk away. But what you said about developers leaving inadequate infrastructure behind for the HOAs is only part of it, Purnell."

"Oh really?" asked Purnell.

"Yes," replied Frederick, "what's happening now is that the Town is taking on more and more of the HOA problem cases itself, which means everyone in Town has to pay. And many Town leaders don't want to be up front about this and say it out loud: 'You are paying for the developer and HOA's failures.' Because people would be steamed if they saw the situation more clearly."

"Why wouldn't the Town want to man up and say out loud that it is bailing developers and HOAs out?" asked Purnell.

"Well, there's a variety of reasons," replied Frederick. "For one, politicians don't like to offend rich people. And then there's the real estate agents, they want to sweep HOA issues under the carpet as well, 'cause it's a real bummer to the Hallmark movie crowd to hear that if they buy that house, they will have to pay for a new sewage lift station so the poop doesn't come out on their lawn. And then there's the people already in the HOAs that for one reason or another don't want to pay themselves. Those people vote, and they'll vote for the guy that makes their bills go away."

"So in other words, Frederick, we're getting a hidden tax hike as the Mayor and Council quietly do the jobs that HOAs were supposed to do?" asked Purnell.

"Well, not exactly a tax hike ... yet," explained Frederick, "but it is draining the Town's budget and taking away from maintenance and other projects elsewhere. It's clear that the Town needs to better oversee HOAs and developers, and there's the troubling ethical part of it. Should we dismiss the HOA obligations so easily? What kind of precedent is that?And how many beautiful waterfront places down county and in the Bahamas are owned by the families of developers who left this mess behind ... a mess that all the Town's residents are paying for? And what if it was the Town's fault in some senses because an unqualified Town employee approved inadequate infrastructure?"

"Frederick, I'm getting a headache," said Purnell, cracking open a Natural Lite — the beer store was out of Natty Boh. "Let's watch the O's and think about what we can do about this."

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