BERLIN, MD — Purnell B. Jarvis, Jr., candidate for Mayor of Berlin and a man who takes his knife clamming so he can grab a snack, announced today that when elected, he will revive the time-honored local tradition of placing a legally harvested deer on the hood of one's vehicle and driving down Main Street.

"Nothing will say 'uncool' to those folk more than guys with rifles, in camo, driving muddy trucks with Browning stickers up and down Main Street with a big buck strapped to the hood, tongue hanging out, blood dripping onto the radiator grill."

Purnell reminisced about a Berlin where hunters didn't hide their success.

"Used to be, you'd see three, four trucks a day coming back to town, every one of 'em wearing a deer like a hood ornament. You saw cars too, since not everybody had a truck. Didn't bother nobody. It was just what you did. When I bring the deer back to do laps between the Fire Company and the Presbyterian Church, the influencer wannabes are gonna have a shitfit. And that, my friends, is exactly why I'm running for mayor."

The candidate stressed that transporting your deer for processing is legal, ethical, and an important part of the town's cultural fabric. He also noted that a half dozen of his friends were already signed up. Purnell did not specify whether the town would provide ratchet straps, but said his administration would "at least make sure nobody gets a ticket for it."

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