BERLIN, MD — "Purnell, what the hell is wrong with you?" shouted a visibly agitated Frederick, gesturing at the Purnell Jarvis campaign ad on the Town's new 2027 Festivals Poster, "This is the last time I'm letting you make the call on something like that, got it?"

"I'm sorry Frederick," replied a chastened Purnell, "that new girl from Baltimore - or is it Pittsburgh? - who works for the Town now told me that a lot of people would see it. When I said yes, I didn't quite realize..."

"Which new young woman do you mean?," interjected Frederick, "there's about five of them." "I dunno," answered Purnell, "they all look and talk the same to me. What's the difference?"

"Purnell, do you realize that you have completely screwed up our messaging?", continued Frederick, tapping his fingers on the table, "You put our ad next to Billy Boberson's. That boy never met a parcel that he didn't turn into a featureless big brick veneer rectangle, maybe with a few cement board accents, surrounded by blacktop. Veneer means fake, by the way, Purnell. Billy Bob is the opposite of 'Crabs before condos'."

"And that Hallmark crap," added Purnell wincing, "my nephew says that every kid under 25 in town is calling this Hallmark business 'cringe' on Instatok."

"Obsessing to be in a Hallmark movie is cringe, Purnell, and there's a meme of Andie MacDowell with Zack's facial features kissing a beardo that's going around," replied Frederick, "but that doesn't change the fact that you got us mixed up with all this economic developer poop. Now people are going to think your wife has tattoos on her neck, and God knows where else!"

"And let me tell you something else, Purnell, " added Frederick, "I used to think that it was telling that all the emphasis in Town festivals was on Main Street, but if the Mayor and Council ever try to put that Jam Band Festival anywhere near where I live, they're gonna find out what the 2nd Amendment to the Constitution really means."

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